What Jiu-Jitsu and My New Job Have Taught Me About My Giant Ego

My ego is big.

Like REALLY big.

Like so-big-it-is-difficult-to-write-this big.

I’m sure many loved ones in my life are saying to themselves, “FINALLY, he is starting to see what we have seen forever!” But here is the thing about the ego: it is blinding, it keeps us ignorant and doesn’t let us see the truth, and it builds walls in an attempt to protect us which only makes us weaker.

The first time I set foot in a jiu-jitsu class I knew the training would be the kind of challenge I was looking for. What I didn’t realize was just how much mental training I would get in the process. Not wanting to look weak I used the strength I had built over the years to try to overpower my opponents. This used all my energy and eventually led to small nagging injuries. Still not wanting to look weak I tried fighting through those injuries, continually aggravating them, and making my recovery time that much longer. My ego ended up making me weaker.

I was afraid. Not of my opponents, but of looking weak. My ego is so big I care more about what other people think instead of focusing on the things in my control. This week, as I began my new job, I realized once again how much the ego likes to sabotage my progress.

The last few days have felt as if someone has sat me in front of the information fire hydrant, opened the nozzle wide, and said: “drink up!” My ego has willingly sat there and tried to drink up every last drop in an attempt not to look dumb. There are times I have been afraid to ask questions as I have thought to myself, they will see I’m not the best choice for this role if I expose my weaknesses.

How utterly foolish!

Just as in jiu-jitsu, I am starting out as the low man on the totem pole. I am the rookie white belt being schooled by the purple, brown, and black belts. In jiu-jitsu the name of the game it to submit your opponent. To make them “tap out”. And as a white belt, you tap out…A LOT!

The goal of the higher belt is to expose the holes in the lower belt’s game and submit them. By exposing their holes, the lower belt knows what they need to change to become better. By becoming better they give the higher belt more of a challenge, forcing the higher belt to better their game.

The goal of the ego is to not lose. It looks externally and makes excuses for why it was beat. It does not look for ways to fill the holes in its game. It not only keeps itself weak, but it weakens the entire team.

In life, just as in jiu-jitsu, we would do best to accept our lowly position at times. To be humble in our standing and understand that we won’t know it all…and aren’t expected to know it all. By accepting our lowly position we can see the holes in our game more clearly and find ways to fill them. By becoming weak we slowly become stronger. We build a solid foundation until over time we are no longer weak. We become the higher belt teaching the lower belt. We better our teams by making them up their game.

By keeping our ego in check we not only make ourselves better, but we also make those around us better.

My giant ego will always be my greatest enemy, but I am thankful for those at work and in jiu-jitsu who have taught me how to better keep my ego in check.